Beginnings

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." - M Scott Peck

I have missed writing so much. December has been an impossibly busy month for me. During my last post, I was as sick as I've ever been with a cold and spent 4 days in bed. Immediately after that, the festivities started - there was my Daughter's birthday, Christmas parties, Christmas shoppping, dance recitals (where they sang "Happy Birthday" to Jesus and I wanted to gouge my own eyes out), light viewing, parents, and all sorts of things for the children. I spent lots of time with my ex-husband - we still try to make the holidays "normal" for the kids. In between it all, I still managed to reconnect with two old friends that I hadn't seen in 10 and 20 years respectively, to manage a social life, to assist my ex-lover through a crisis, gather up all sorts of paperwork to try and purchase a home for my kids for Christmas and to work as much overtime as humanly possible. Viewing the list this way makes me realize that it't not at all surprising that I find myself sick (again or still, I can't be sure). This time, I got antibiotics and I think I'll actually be ready for a little fun tonight. I have much to celebrate.

2008 has been a challenging year for me. I'm very ready to say good-bye to it. But, as I reflect back, I'm stronger and smarter and have a much clearer vision for my future. More importantly, I'm optimistic about that future and I'm eager to start living it. I made some good choices, some "eh" choices and some flat out stupid choices. I've learned from them all.

I could write for hours about it all - but there's really not much point in continuing to dwell on the past - the important thing is to consider what I've learned as I go forward.

In early January, I will turn 36 years old. A week later, they will pour the slab on my new house (yes, I got it!). In April, my favorite time of year, I'll move into a home that has countertops that I've selected, flooring that I've selected, rooms for my children that I can paint to suit their whims and a backyard for them to play in. This is so huge for me.

No one gave me this, I worked for it. If you would have told me at this time last year that I'd be here today, I would have either laughed at you or cried with you. I'm so proud that I'm able to provide this for them. I'm a single mother of two young children and I'm buying them a home. Not just any home - but a really nice house, in a nice neighborhood wtih good schools and safety and the stability that everyone tells me is so critical for children. I see it all now. They don't even know and I can't wait to tell them.

Last night, I curled up on the couch with home magazines and looked at pictures, trying to envision what I want and how it will be and it is both exciting and terrifying.

My personal goals for the new year are simple - to be open. To realize that I am in control of my life and that I can make choices that are good for me. It's all an experience, it can all be a joyous experience. As I look forward to the future, I feel more in control of my life than I have in years, I feel more secure in myself than I have in years.

Good-bye 2008. I'll reflect back on it as a year of unbelievable growth and change.

To 2009, I say simply, "Cheers".