"As long as anyone believes that his ideal and purpose is outside him, that it is above the clouds, in the past or in the future, he will go outside himself and seek fulfillment where it cannot be found. He will look for solutions and answers at every point except where they can be found - in himself." - Erich Fromm
Some of you have been asking why I'm different lately - I look different, you've said. I seem farther away. Please don't be concerned, it's just my way. Sometimes, I live in my head a bit too much for others liking. It used to make my ex-husband insane, and that's when he'd start the probing and interrogating that so threatened my psyche.
I just need to retreat into my head for a bit. I woke feeling quite ill this morning, but it's not viral. I haven't gone on a run in two weeks. My house is a disaster. I haven't been spending time with my friends. No, I don't need to talk about it and yes, everything will be fine.
I have a couple of really big decisions facing me, weighing me down. The easier of the two decisions is completely contingent on the first, so until I find the clarity there, I won't be able to move. Inertia is such a bad place for me.
However, it's a bit of a welcome retreat - I've been flying along at Mach speed for quite some time now and I'm fine with a little rest. Sometimes, life decisions force you to examine who you really are and what you really value - and I'm more than a little shocked at one of the answers. In fact, I'm stunned to discover that there was ever even a question...but there was, and now I must think about who I really am and what the ramifications of that are for some wee people that rely quite heavily on me.
I'm sure that this will be good for my writing...and I plan to examine some aspects of myself here, publicly, as I sort through these weighty choices. Right now, I'm going to crank up some disco tunes and clean my house from top to bottom, box up some of the clutter and listen to myself think.
I'll be back, and I doubt it will be a long trip...I'll send a postcard or two...
About Me
- AmandaWithAMission
- The Blue Dot, in a Very Red State, United States
- Like most of us, I'm a blend of different people to different people. First and foremost, I am a 35 year old mother to two wonderful children. I am an RN, a triathlete, and a writer. I am a daughter to a logical and fun father who I am exactly like and a kind and perceptive mother who I aspire to be like. I'm proud to call some phenomenal people my friends and I'm newly single, trying to manage the wild web of dating. The purpose of this blog is to share my writing, perhaps some random thoughts, quotes from other people that I love and some general silliness. What can I say, I'm on a mission!
1 comment:
Take your time. Take deep breaths. Clean your house, clear your head. If you don't take time out to reconnoiter (fr. the Latin, "to think, remember, again") now and then, you forget why you came here, in the first place. Those of us go give a rip will be here when you get back. Don't trip on the vacuum cleaner hose.
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