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"Only passions, great passions, can elevate the soul to great things." - Bejamin Disraeli

I had two very interesting conversations today with two very different people. One, a woman who is having a torrid affair with a married man. Both caused me to reflect on my own marriage, and what I seek for the future.

I married so very young. I thought that I was so mature. I had lived this nomadic life - always leaving the people I loved. Nothing was constant, nothing was predictable, nothing was ever the same. I'd make genuine and deep connections with people - seconds before I was forced to leave them.

I craved stability and sameness. I craved roots. I married for what I thought were genuinely "right" reasons. I wanted to create a family, to build a stable and loving home, to have someone in my life that I could always rely on and that could always rely on me. So, I found the nice guy. The guy that would be a good father. The guy that would always be there. And my ex-husband was certainly all of those things - a nice person (snarky comments notwithstanding), a good father, and boy he was ALWAYS there.

Once, as a small child, I was at a car wash with my mother. I asked her if I could do it. She said sure, and handed me the high-pressure hose to rinse off the car. I pulled the trigger and the power of the water surprised me. The hose went flying out of my hand and in an instant, had wrapped itself completely around my neck, choking me. I was stunned and stood there crying, unable to breathe and getting soaked as my mother extricated me from the hose.

That's what my marriage became. A high-pressure hose wrapped around my neck. And that surprised me too.

I'll marry again, eventually. I'm sure of it. I'm a one-man sort of girl, and I always have been. I crave a deep connection. And so, I'm experimenting, trying to discover just what sort of man I want - what sort of man will allow me the freedom to connect on a deep level, without strangling me.

The next time I marry, I'm going to marry for the "wrong" reasons. I'm going to choose the man that I can't keep my hands off of. I want to become aroused the second he walks in the door. The one that pushes me a little, that forces me to explore my boundaries.

My ex-husband always told me that I was never satisfied. That no matter what, I always wanted more. He spoke the truth.

I want the man that respects that about me, that likes that I will always want more - more challenges to tackle head-on, more adventures to seek out, more risk to overcome, more of connection to each other, more professional success, more intensity, more passion.

How could that possibly be wrong?