Aeronautics

"More than anything else the sensation is one of perfect peace mingled with an excitement that strains every nerve to the utmost, if you can conceive of such a combination." - Wilbur Wright

I am completely baffled. I have no idea what's going on in my world, but I'm rapidly beginning to think something very bizarre is happening to me, and that the Gods are conspiring to tell me something big, but I cannot figure out what this meaning is.

As previously written, I met a pilot out. He and I have become quite good friends and I do enjoy our weekly coffee/dinner non-dates. Then, I meet another pilot and realize quickly that I could fall for him. My favorite friend and I are out at a bar downtown one night, and this group of very young, very little men start talking to us. All of them are pilots. She finds this all terribly amusing.

Well, my pilot isn't here and he didn't make it. I've been very honest with him about my feelings and I feel that he's being honest with me as well. I told him that I was hurt, I told him that I needed to see him again because I just have to know, I told him that I wanted him to give "us" one last chance before he makes any decisions that alter his life forever. A new angle for me, this whole honesty and openness thing - but I'm going to try this whole adult thing and see where life takes me that way. My normal tactic would have been to shut him out and move on, with my tail between my legs for a couple of weeks, until the pain subsided. I think the honesty bit was a nicer way to go.

He told me that he's in a strange place professionally at the moment and doesn't know where he's going - literally and figuratively. I told him that I understood that, too. He said that he wished he could give me better answers and that the only thing he "knew" right now was that spending time with me "feels good, and that nothing in the world is better." But apparently, something in the world is better - or at least worth exploring. He's just at a point of flux in his life...and I can completely relate. Ironic that we meet each other at what will likely prove to be simply the worst timing possible.

I want him, but I can't just snap my fingers and make that happen. And so I wait. But you know, I'm just not a very patient person. So, I'm not waiting around idly, twiddling my thumbs. I head down to an Irish pub last night with a couple friends. I beat them there, but Po is coming...so I know there's trouble brewing.

I feel the very attractive man at the end of the bar staring at me, so I pull up a stool next to him and his friend. This is new for me too, but hey...I'm taking some chances. I thought it might cheer me up a little to flirt and laugh with this guy, and we're wearing the same watch. ;-)

It doesn't take long before he strikes up conversation. He's hilarious. He's from out of town. Perfect. A very casual flirtation. We're drinking. Quickly and heavily. Perfect. My pilot begins to slip out of my mind ever so slightly.

The Bostonian starts talking about how much he travels for work. Hmmm....no. Say it isn't so. I'm thinking, "I don't even want to ask. I can't handle hearing it." So, I ask his pal if they work together. "Affirmative." No, please don't use words like that. Please. Finally, my friend asks the question that I really didn't want to know the answer to.

And yep, pilots. Long story short - I feel like a flipping sorority girl that just met the coolest frat boy ever as we made out in the bar like a couple of idiots.

Oh well, it was fun. He invited me to Chicago with him tonight - but there's no way I was getting on that flight - the pilots were hammered! ;-)