Crapper

"If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is, infinite."
-Alduous Huxley

If I were having any more fun, it would be illegal. God, I've been laughing almost non-stop for two days now. The details are largely irrelevant, but I am seriously having big fun, I'm happy, life is easy.

Saturday, I went over to Shiraz's house for one of our little photo shoots. For months, we've been talking about doing something in my old wedding dress. When I pulled it out of the box, it was stained down the front from a little incident with red-wine.

Putting on the dress did not bring back the wonderous memories of a joyous day that you might expect, nor did it bring a deep sadness. It brought nothing. There was no emotion tied to the gown at all. We ripped it apart for the art of it, and after the photo shoot, I threw it in the trash unceremoniously. The fact that I was able to do that without any strong feelings either way was pretty refreshing.

Today, I sent my ex-husband an email telling him how much I appreciate him as an ex-husband, and a father. He has had to take the high-road here quite a bit, especially with me basically strong-arming him into moving across town, and he's done it largely without complaint. I do appreciate that, and I do appreciate the father that he is.

After the photo shoot, Shiraz and I sat around talking, as we usually do. Expectedly, our conversation turned to the philosophical (after "Topic: Boy"). It was fun, but the day exhausted me. I came home to nap - a nap that never happened. I was a little wired.

I am currently reading "The Valkyries" by Paulo Coehlo, so I curled up in bed and read. There's a portion where one of the characters talks about listening to the voice. I'm paraphrasing (and not well) but he says that when he forgets something and goes back to get it, he stops and counts to 30 before continuing on the journey, the theory being that the delay is his guardian angel forcing him to stop - perhaps the brief interruption will cause the avoidance of an accident, or catching an important call, or whatever. There's a reason for it.

I thought then of how many times I ignore the voice, neglect the cues and clues. I told myself that I'd try to become more attentive.

I meet Shiraz and Po later at a bar for drinks. We're having a nice time - the night is warmer than it's been, so we're sitting outside just chatting. It's casual. I'm on call. I never carry a pager. My phone is my only contact.

I get up to go to the restroom and my phone is on the table. I actually think to myself, "I should just leave that here." But I don't. I grab the phone. I put in in my purse. Then, I think to myself, "I should zip my purse." But, I don't. I get into the bathroom and I think to myself, "Don't put your purse on the back of the toilet." But I do it anyway, only to watch my phone slip out of my purse right into the toilet.

I grab the phone and turn it off, dry it off and I'm sort of speechless. Instantly I realized that I neglected that little voice THREE times with potentially disastrous results. We dry off the phone, and it ends up working. So, that was my little wake-up call - listen to the voice.

I realize that dropping a phone in a toilet is one hell of a funny way to learn that lesson, but the lesson was clear - and you'd have to figure that my guardian angel would have one hell of a sense of humor, right?