How?

"Apathy is one of the characteristic responses of any living organism when it is subjected to stimuli too intense or too complicated to cope with. The cure for apathy is comprehension."
- John Dos Passos

It's a little known fact that my mother holds several advanced degrees in psychology. She recently sent me a quiz, complete with answer key, and told me to really spend some time on it. I'd credit the source if I knew it, but I do not.

What I do know is that I have spent several hours now pseudo-psychoanalyzing myself. Fun stuff. Not. The trite results are not entirely unpredictable.

You have significant difficulties with intimacy. These conflicts reflect underlying feelings of inadequacy and a fear of exposure. Men will feel uncomfortable being open with you, for they detect your anxiety whenever the communication of real feelings occurs. It may be helpful for you to explore just how much you accept yourself and whether you can really tolerate a man knowing who you are.

Thanks, Ma. Luckily for me, she sent 5 or 6 emails with various ways to analyze myself. Yippee. The above paragraph is not news. What is shocking, however, is that it doesn't really indicate HOW I'm supposed to go about changing that little factoid.

In so many ways, I'm completely transparent. I'll tell almost anyone anything - as long as it's genuinely insignificant to my mind. The big stuff, man, I play that so close to the vest. Shiraz knows all my secrets, but only because she's patient enough to pull them out and ask the right questions.

I'd let my guard down if I cared enough to do so. That's a lie, I'd let my guard down if only I knew HOW.